I have this vision from when I was a little girl of what the perfect life might have looked like. I have this dream of bliss and mine doesn’t even come close .I am OK with that.  I feel that I have all the pieces in front of me but cant seem to make them fit .  I'm getting older and I am scared. everything and everyone is producing change but the change I see within myself is so small if not for physical . I still don’t know where I am going or what I even want to do with my life. I haven’t decided if I will finish college. I haven’t decided if its even relevant. I don’t know that I have the balls or the talent to do all the things I dream about and  I haven’t found  a list of extreme hobbies to seem more appealing. [other than the same loves I've had from childhood]. Maybe I don’t do them enough. Maybe its enough for me, but not other people. Maybe I'm just a boring person. I write, I sing, I try to maintain some sort of connection to my roots. I have a really hard time at letting go of things that are beyond my control and I probably always will. I am learning that being on the opposite end of the shared parenting plan is what you make of it. It has taken me almost 3 ½ years to realize I should be measuring the good days with the amount of smiles  instead of measuring the days. Her childhood memories will consists of two parents who loved her more than life in itself but couldn’t learn to love one another. There is nothing wrong with that. I am still learning this. I am learning that the people you thought you could count on will walk out of your life with no explanations because technically- they don’t have to explain anything.. Will it hurt? Yes. Is it fair? No.  Will you live? Maybe.—But that’s to be decided by yourself. Its true, they say a broken heart can cause death & I believe it. But I also believe in the power of working together. I don’t believe that just because you CAN walk away means you should. If you truly love someone and want it to work, walking away is an excuse. For all the excuses a person could dream to make, walking away is the biggest.  Don’t tell someone you love them if you don’t want the emotional baggage that goes with it.  I, too, Am learning what it is to truly love. I have learned that you MUST love yourself in order to love anyone else. As heartbreaking as it seems, it is the honest truth.  I am learning that when attempting to give love to someone who doesn’t fully understand the power in love enough to accept it, it becomes a burden in their heart. It produces hate. But what happens when that person has your heart. When the days seem empty because you're no longer their muse.. how do you train your mind not to produce all of the things your broken heart is screaming for fear of another fight. The hardest part is knowing how much I have to give and knowing how little I truly need .